I have recently begun referring to all barbers, hairdressers and hair stylists as ‘cutters’ – as all they want to do is cut as much hair off as possible. My hairdresser of 15 years cut her hours down about a year back. Cut down to a point where I can’t see her any more. Since then I have had to try and find someone else to cut my hair. It’s an unfortunate necessity.

However, it seems that all hairdressers interpret instruction as Klingon. I say “long”, they cut short. I say “scissors”, they use clippers. Do those who cut hair understand English?

Last week I got a cut . . . I actually had to take up a pair of clippers to it when I got home and fix it.

Now the only way I could get it to work was to look (as I’ve been told several times) “modern”, “metrosexual” and “cool”. I am not these things. And my hair is lying to society by suggesting it.